In contemplating life in general recently and watching the years go by, I have come to the realization that the contact that I have with people in a meaningful way has become a point of contention within my own mind. As humans, we are brought up to accept that we are social creatures. There are so many of us inhabiting the same spaces at the same time that crossing paths is inevitable. We plan events that revolve around bringing us together. We have concocted rituals of synergetic vocalization with one another. We sing songs with one another, we dance, we commune in ways that aren’t always of our own construction, but we enjoy the creation of shared space as designed by others outside of our personal spaces. These actions have become ritualistic, as many things in life tend to do. We have scheduled events, we have created the ritual of shared meals and libations revolving around them, and we count our days in relation to these events.
When I view the world through the lens of nature, I notice what some would define as community among the creatures of the natural world. We define those groups as schools or flocks, herds, prides, or gaggles, but they all point to a definition of a gathering of like species. This leads me to ponder the meaning of these gatherings as they fall outside of the realms of humanity. I find that our needs are often similar. Things such as safety, security, and a stronger guarantee of survival. Humans certainly share those same attributes.
The fact of the matter is, however, that we have created constructs with much more complexity and a much greater amount of subtlety. We follow the things that we hope gives us mental well being and a sense of belonging. Whether it be religion, personal interest, philosophy, or even simple entertainment, we are all categorizing ourselves based on our similarities. These influences separate us when in comparison to the natural world. They’re very human. They aren’t always a means that leads to survival or security in a tangible sense, but more to satiate a hunger and a longing for communal understanding. What makes the natural world have such an innate sense of its place in the world, where humanity flounders with that question around every corner? How have we become so lost in our search for purpose?
This leads me back to my original thought regarding the meaningful relationships and contact with others. I have found myself, the further that I get into this life, becoming more and more of an individualist. I have considered myself many things such as a hermit, antisocial, a loner, etc. The label isn’t important but it all revolves back to the fact that my tendencies gravitate toward being alone. There are a few precious exceptions where I have found genuine positive influence from other individuals and tend to communicate with that select few, and that leads me to question even further. I have found that I do not seek these individuals actively.
Sometimes I feel that we as a species, especially existing within the society that I have grown into adulthood being a part of, have gotten it wrong.
In days past there were factors at play that no longer are. We couldn’t physically communicate with one another as easily as we can today. Mass communication and mass information have changed the landscape of our psyche. I’m not sure that we were prepared for that. I still don’t believe that we are. It seems that the more/easier we are able to communicate on a massive scale, the less we know about one another. It is a conundrum.
There were fewer of us inhabiting the planet in days long past, and I can see the strain today of having so many people within the same spaces being forced into the company of others with a question as to what is to be done with them. Sometimes I feel with such a surplus of human contact, we are getting a “Cliff’s Note” version of the people that we come in contact with, and it allows the generalizations to flourish. It also causes us to crave individuality amidst a sea of competitive personalities. We seek and search longingly to stand out as our own person under our own definitions. It appears to me that we are silently rebelling against the constructs of our world through a psychological pathway and it is expressed, sometimes not genuinely, as the things that we cling to to define us. We long to stand out, and we long to be different. What other choice is there when you are surrounded by hoards of other individuals with the same desires?
I have learned that I keep my personal circle of contact small. This is mostly intentional. I can’t fathom being able to learn all that there is to learn during this one brief life of my own, much less contemplating trying to understand the architecture of another person who comes into my life. This small circle is filled with individuals who resonate on a deep level with the journey that I am on personally, and they are a compendium to my personal journey rather than a road map to follow. They are there to teach and learn, and I very much hope that the same can be said for myself as an individual. I think that our deepest desires fall back to where we are on an evolutionary scale. Just a few millennia ago, we were a tribal and wandering species. We mimicked the natural world insofar as being limited to helping the people in our limited orbit secure a sense of safety and sustainability for those who we associated with. We were only aware of the small world within our vision. Now in this year of 2021, we seem broken from information overload. Too many people, not enough time, and that equals to what I see as removing the flavor of life because we can’t possibly understand the subtleties that mean everything about the individuals that we meet. The world seems small and endless at the same time. We “know” so much now, but it truly seems that we are losing our wisdom. Our tribal instincts become our default reaction, as we haven’t been able to evolve beyond them. Then the “ism’s” and “ists” flourish and we understand one another even less. We are comfortable in our manufactured tribes, as that’s the only thing that our minds can understand.
These are the things that I ponder as I contemplate integrating myself within this world. It overwhelms me to consider getting lost upon the sea of humanity. How can one contemplate the magic and the beauty of watching a seed grow, or the way that a note resonates within an empty room, or the way hot water feels after a cold night when surrounded by countless other souls? I don’t have the answer to that question. Where I am comfortable and find solace is within the silence. My eyes can see and my ears can hear, but I choose to remain in the shadows, ever learning. I’ll forever be thankful for the flickering candles in my life as they are presented as those rare humans who shed a modicum of light. It reminds me that I am not alone, no matter how easy that is to believe. This world and the knowledge of the sorcery that it is within it can be overwhelming. Trying to grasp an understanding of it is an individual quest. I salute those challenging that very real adventure head on. I’ll keep my candle lit, and I’ll leave my eyes wide open in search of the one that you carry. It can only be a little brighter when those two lights come together. This is only an attempt to define life as I currently understand it. And so the journey continues…